INTP much

Do you belong?

If I cannot find a seat in the room, is this event not made for such a guest? Do you make your own room, do you sit on the floor, do you steal someone else’s seat or do you quietly leave the room?

I haven’t had a lot to say lately. I found fresh air outside the packed room. I am not really sure what happened in there. Sometimes I peek through the window and my breath fogged up the glass. I tried wiping the steam off the glass but gave up halfway and started doodling pictures with my finger instead. 

Once in a while someone will look back at me through the clear parts of the window my finger has touched. Quickly they realize they are looking at my message backwards and retreat back into crowd. 

Sometimes passersby see me writing and my messages the right way. But they are all too busy with their own things and hurried on. “Cheers”, they say. They turn the corner and I never see them again. I wonder where they are off to.

I am not sure why I am standing here at the window. Fascinated by the hustle and bustle. When I look around and across the street I see others doodling on their windows, but they are all busy writing their own message, back towards me.

I’d hop on a bus and now I am on the inside of a window. Everyone seems to be walking so slowly. I find comfort knowing I am going somewhere. It usually end with me falling asleep on the bus and got woken up by the driver. 

“I wouldn’t say I was misunderstood, if anything I didn’t put much effort in making sense of myself (for you).”

suburbiadaze asked: What is your first language? Can you write something in it, please?

In order to do so I must evaluate whether it matters to me that you may not understand me if I write differently. And it matters to me a little bit. I think. just a little bit.

Anonymous asked: I don't think INTPs are lazy. High standards causes perfectionism, which makes it hard for us to start something if we're not sure it's going to be perfect. My therapist used to tell me: "Do you care about *particular issue/interest*?" I said that I did. More so than anything in the world. "Then why don't you do it?" "Fear" "Exactly, and that's why it's not laziness. Lazy people don't care and you do."

I wish someone would’ve said that to me. I’ve gotten rather generous with my use of words. Laziness is much more of a state of doing nothingness to me and most people seems to relate to that on a slightly skewed principle. It is possible I’ve gotten tired of explaining. It’s just way easier to look like a person who doesn’t care then a person who try too hard.

“I want to be so good at lying I can lie to myself I am not lying.”

Anonymous asked: Your writing is beautiful

oh Thank you thank you! *awkwardly walks away, unable to handle compliments*

prettysuicidal asked: Is it just me or that it's part of INTP to be a "all or nothing" person? This really hurts... In a negative situation. Yet thrive so much on a positive one.

Not to speak for all INTP as this is really “an” INTP blog not “the” INTP blog. Either in limbo of nothingness or on turbo with no breaks. High standards plus laziness really means nothing ever quite get done. As difficult as it is to start, as difficult as it is to stop. Not to mention the idea of time being relative - shitty sense of time.

“I am afraid of hearing my own voice as much as I would like it to be heard.”

Bird without legs


I heard there’s a kind of bird without legs. It flies continuously, and sleeps in the wind. It only lands once in its life… that’s when it dies. 

tkudaya asked: "Pity instead of aggression"—You mean that when somebody hurts you, instead of hurting them back, you find a way that you are superior to them (in the context of the situation) and then quietly dismiss them because clearly if they have resorted to hurting or insulting you, they couldn't possibly understand you or your brilliant motives? I do the same thing. It's a great coping mechanism, until you build up this huge sense of superiority that eventually bites you in the ass.

Quite possibly why this egotistic blog was created and I’m too over my head to realize. 

“Exhaust yourself building a wall up and starving within it.”

thisispaper:

Selected Works by Jessica Tremp

thisispaper:

Selected Works by Jessica Tremp

“I look retarded when I speak as I communicate in fragments. My thoughts go past me so fast I can barely grasp the words and put them into sounds.”

Shit I’ve said (2)

Friend: “You gotta marry up!” (on how he married a hot girl)
Me: “But when you are marrying up, someone is marrying down.”

Shit I’ve said (1)

Friend: “I thought that was a brownie.” (referring to an obvious non-brownie object.”
Me: “I feel sorry for you.”